I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
