I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
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We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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