Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
