advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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