my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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