why didn't you poke me back
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So much rum. So many feels.
50% drunk capacity currently
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
