WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
