If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
