Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
