I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
