I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
