id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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