dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
