My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
