guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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