Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
