i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
