Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
