He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
