You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
