the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
