shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
