Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
