Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
