I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
