its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
