apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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