I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
