Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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