Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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