whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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