and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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