If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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