I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
