Soap is not a condiment
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
