Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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