I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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