So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
