I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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