we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
