I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
