so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
