it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I intend to get homeless drunk
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
