It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
