he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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