and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
