I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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