i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
