i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
