he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
