I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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