So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
