If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
