i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
