Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
