If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i came on her dog
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
