Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
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You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
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Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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