im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
