I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
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Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
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Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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