I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My sheets look like a crime scene.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
