bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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