Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
