I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
