Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
