If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
