Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
