I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
