He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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