Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
