omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
