we have officially lost it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
