does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
