The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
