Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
