If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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