that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
