I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
