Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
