Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
