forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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