unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
