ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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