dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize