my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
