I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
